You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Having your eyes pecked out of your head by angry birds.
It sounds like a Hitchcock movie where angry winged demons swarm the sky, blotting out the sun and descending on unsuspecting prey like ants gorging on a picnic basket full of Good N Plenty candy.
Perhaps it’s more like a scene from Dawn of the Dead with eye-less zombies roaming the Earth in search of their own pupils, sucking the guts out of human heads, hoping to once again see.
Don’t laugh. It could happen.
DATELINE: GOWER,Wales
It’s in this seaside hamlet that the unthinkable happened.
It wasn’t quite birds blotting out the sun or zombies stealing souls, but it was pretty gruesome.
Imagine a leisurely stroll on the beach with your girlfriend. You see a seabird in the surf that seems injured. You are an animal lover so of course you want to help. You approach the bird and urge it to fly to freedom.
“Shoo little bird. Be free.”
You of course are making huge points with your girlfriend.
“Wow my man has a soft side,” your honey thinks to herself, watching you caress the injured creature.
Then the insideous crazy explodes like a flash bang device.
This is the story of Michael Buckland whose day started as a leisurely walk on the beach and ended as something straight out of a horror film.
The 38 year old says he lifted the bird from the incoming tide. That’s when a dog, presumably a hound from hell, startled the bird.
All of a sudden, all the evil in the universe channeled its way through the crippled winged creature.
The bird began pecking Buckland’s face like it was coated in kernels of corn laced with gummy worms.
PECK. RIP. PECK. GASH. PECK.
According to published reports: The pecking went on for several seconds with the bird piercing Buckland’s right eyeball three times with its razor-sharp six-inch beak.
YIKES
That makes the Psycho shower scene seem calm.
Now brace yourself for this:
Buckland’s right eyelid was sliced in two, his eyeball dangled from his face. For the next 45 minutes the ghoulish bird loving monster wandered the shoreline seeking help.
Can you imagine building a sand castle on a beautiful day only to look up and see Frankenstein’s eyeless monster coming at you.
Eye dangling? Blood dripping.
“Help me please. I’ve been attacked by a startled water foul”
Screw that.
I’d start looking around for a movie crew. When I didn’t see any camera’s or craft service table, my ass is up and running for the safety of a nearby surf shop.
According to published reports: Surgeons reattached his eyeball, but they could not save his sight.
“All I can see through my bad eye now is a bright light—I can see bright colors and bright lights, but that’s it, “Buckland added. “ If I go outside now, it feels like a needle is going through it.”
A spokesman for the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds called the attack extremely rare and warned that handling wild animals should be done with extreme caution.
Good advice Royal Society, good advice.
So the next time you’re walking the beach and you see a sand piper or a sea gull or a flying fish.
Keep your distance people. You never know.
And that is crazy.™