You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
An $8,000 Chicken McNugget.
Seriously.
EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS.
People are starving in Africa.
Americans are living in cardboard boxes.
Hobos are trading food stamps for Schlitz Malt Liquor.
And some dolt buys a freeze dried, three year old, processed chicken part for $8,000!
It’s insipid. It’s irrational. It’s not only fatuous, it’s insulting to human intelligence, or what once passed for human intelligence.
Here’s the back story.
Rebekah Speght of Dakota City, Nebraska took her kids to McDonalds.
So far it’s the all American story, right?
She orders Chicken McNuggets.
OK, now it’s getting a little creepy, but i’ll continue anyway…
So she feeds her kids the processed chicken parts.
Speght is munching away, ingesting chemically filled McNuggets of death. Then suddenly she sees it.
A McNugget that some say looks like George Washington.
Not Jay Leno. Not Jesus. But George Washington. The processed chunk of meat had a passing resemblance to the father of our country.
For some reason; for some unimaginable reason, Speght put the McNugget in a bag or the chimpunk pouch in her cheek and she brought the fiberglass like hunk of chicken home.
She didn’t eat it or feed it to the dog. She didn’t hang it on her Christmas tree or prop it up on a picture frame for all to admire. Nope, she froze it. She put it in the freezer, the little face that chopped down his father’s cherry tree, and she preserved it.
For a day. For a month. For a year. For 3 years, the George Washington McNugget resided in the Speight freezer. Next to the hot pockets. Next to the frozen hamburger. Next to the coffee ice cream.
Then for some reason, as inexplicably as it being saved, the little food product was suddenly “outed”, like a gay politician.
Speght had seen the light, the divine light and she decided it was time to sell the little chicken face of George Washington.
Sell it? Really? Sell a 3 year old McNugget?
Are you free basing carpet fibers lady?
Who the hell is going to buy a McNugget that once cost a measly $1.99?
It’s got more permafrost on it than Larry King’s scrotum.
Whose crazy plan is at work here? Is it Satan?
Speght is a crafty mid-westerner. She knows that Ebay is cyber salvation and the little McNugget’s journey commences.
So she posts the face of the frozen president on line and idiots in cyber space begin bidding against one another.
a penny. A dollar. A thousand dollars.
Someone get the butter fly net because the coo coos are loose.
Ultimately, 71 people bid on the the little McNugget. 71 people with the brain power of a lightning bug reached into their wallets and said “I gotta have me that 3 year old McNugget.”
The price was driven up and up and up, like an Isaac Mizrahi hair doo.
Eventually, the GW McNugget sold for $8,000.
The bright light in this cloud of obfuscation is the McNugget owner claims the money will reportedly go to a church camp.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. In this case God is using the wooden toothed likeness of a Chicken McNugget to do his wondrous work.
Don’t ask me why. Who knows what’s next for the McNuggett. Perhaps it will go to Africa and end the famine.
Battle lines are drawn. Only time will tell.
And that is crazy.