You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
90,000 people crammed into downtown Nashville.
The News has gone hog-wild with this fact.
“It’s going to be a busier than normal Thursday,” the anchorman warns. “90 Thousand people are expected to be crammed into downtown.”
The news is presented as if there is something ominous about to happen.
90 thousand people downtown and then Godzilla picked up a bus of tourists and threw them into the river.
90 thousand people downtown and then Taylor Swift wrote a bad boyfriend break up song.
90 thousand people downtown and then the pope starting handing out condoms at Tootsies.
Give me a damn break, will ya.
Nashville isn’t a cow town, people.
It’s a major city with major city attractions.
Thursday night, we will be a city that is looking for some elbow room, but I’m pretty sure we can handle it.
What’s on the agenda?
Vanderbilt football on West End.
Sounds’ baseball in Sulfur Dell.
Titans against the Vikings on the East Bank.
And 20,000 more people plan to go to a free concert Live on the Green outside the courthouse.
90,000 people, 20 honky tonks, and only 10 parking spots.
Hang on to your hats people, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Give me a break, will ya, please.
The newscasters are using their doom and gloom voices, howling at the moon.
“90 thousand people. It’s going to be a snarl.”
City departments are getting in on the act too.
I’ve seen press releases warning me to run for cover.
What are the rules of dodgeball again?
Duck. Dodge. Dip. Dive. Dodge.
The police put out a warning, detailing lane closures.
The Department of Public Works claims it is going to alter lanes of traffic sometime Thursday night.
The Fire Department is on heightened alert. They are ready to tackle anything from babies born in traffic, to cigarette butts being tossed from car windows.
Perhaps the Codes department should send out undercover inspectors to make sure the sidewalks can handle that many humans walking on a sidewalk at one time.
Jeez.
It’s a lot of people.
But you know what?
This is a big city.
It can handle the load.
It handles CMA’ just fine. We had the biggest fireworks show in the country.
The city handles Titans and Predators and we even get by when Kid Rock comes to town, buys hookers and goes to jail.
We are Music F’in City.
All I’m saying is calm down.
People, chill.
Metro Government? relax. Stuff the press releases, ok?
News people? Tone it down. Godzilla ain’t flossing with a subway car.
Just have fun. Grab a beer, maybe put on a sash that says bridesmaid.
Sit on a pedal tavern and wonder aloud how this is even legal?
Hey Metro Beer board? You feeling me?
WOO HOO!
90 Thousand people downtown.
Make sure you wear a condom, Nashville.
Life’s Crazy™