You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Going to jail in Peru.
If prison in the USA is hard. Prison in Peru is Hell on Earth. It’s a hot poker in the eye, a razor across the groin. It’s naked sex in a thorn bush.
OUCH.
A Fox News report looked at the case against Joran Van Der Sloot. He’s the suspect in the disappearance of Alabama teen Natalie Holloway. He has reportedly confessed to killing a young South American Woman last week.
Should have killed someone in Sweden douche bag, because in Peru, homey don’t play.
According to the report, murderers in Peru don’t get life in prison like they do here in the USA. In fact, on the surface, judges routinely give murderers only a fraction of the time American Judges hand down.
But what Peruvian judges can do, that their American counterparts cannot, is sentence people like Van Der Sloot to prison in Peru.
Prison in Peru is like like licking the inside of your toilet bowl with your tongue. It makes Shaw Shank look like a pillow fight in a sorority house.
It’s early in the legal process, but Vegas odds have Vand Der Sloot getting shanked in the glass house at even odds. And that might happen at his arraignment!
For starters, there are only 100 guards for every 10,000 prisoners.
That’s the equivalent of a nursery school with 100 students per class room.
Fingerpainting turns into an exorcism. Juice breaks transform into a full scale lock down.
In Peru, the inmates are literally running the asylum.
There are roving packs of criminal gangs in Peru prisons. These psychotic douche bags determine how prison life is run. When you eat. When you shower. When you get to get gang raped by Juan Pablo.
If you are going to survive, you have to join a gang. You are sworn into a renegade army of insidious evil. Then you can live hell on Earth like you deserve. But if you don’t join a gang, it’s even worse. Inmates are targeted, forced to exist outside the prison walls in the garbage piles that surround the facility like mountains of stench.
The FOX report literally shows random scum bags, fighting wild dogs and crazed sea gull for scraps of food.
Peru Prisons are like an insinkerator where a live skunk is shoved into the rapidly spinning blades of death. Bloody stink is whipped into a creamy tar tar sauce of carnage and juris prudence.
Prisoners are filth. Their crimes are disease. The prison is a shoe box filled with AIDS and phloem.
Many experts say Holoway’s family could easily slide a Ben Franklin through the bars and any Peruvian inmate will gladly plunge a shard of glass into this murdering bastard’s shoulder blades.
Van Der Sloot doesn’t stand a chance. He is either going to get shanked or die of dysentery. Chances are good he’s going to get Hepatitis from being forced to have forced relations with a toilet seat and a bunch of guys in Cell Block B.
Good luck Van Der Sloot.
Enjoy Hell on Earth before you go to Hell in Hell.
And that’s crazy.