You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
An obnoxious, full size, Sesame Street Character reaking of Gin and venerial disease.
I’m talking about Tickle Me Elmo Biatches!
This gigantic red hairball is ambulatory and Harassing Tourists in New York City. This Elmo doesn’t know the alphabet. This Elmo doesn’t look cuddly. This Elmo is dyspeptic and delusional.
Somewhere, deep inside this Tickle me Elmo man-costume is a drunken sailor on liberty.
This Elmo has a belly piercing and a bad attitude.
Like the stuffing inside a hot dog, tourists say the man inside this carpeted sheath is a soiled meat product mixed with mouse droppings.
Tickle Me Tacky is a rude, stinky bastard, who is neither the ambassador of Sesame Street or Times Square.
If you ask me, this gigantic lanced boil needs to have his red ass kicked up and down Broadway.
Tourists tell cops that this schizophrenic Elmo talks smack to people from Iowa, he fondles women from the Carolinas, he passes wind on anyone with a pulse.
I haven’t confirmed this, but after one tickle me transgression, a theater club from San Francisco reportedly smashed Elmo with their Cher bedazzled man-purses.
News reports indicate that Evil-Me Elmo hangs out in front of the Planet Hollywood in Times Square. It’s here that this Sesame Street Icon on crack aggressively begs for money.
Today’s lesson in Rude is brought to you by the letter: R
After a woman unwittingly took Drunk Elmo’s picture, he asked her for cash. When she refused, St. Elmo’s Fire reportedly slapped the camera out of the tourist’s hand.
D is for Dirtbag.
This Elmo is apparently such a dirt bag, the other cartoon characters working Time Square are publicly calling him out.
As an actor in a Batman costume told the Daily News, “That Elmo isn’t age-appropriate. He swears and curses. Times Square was better when he was gone. He gives a bad name to all
character actors.”
To the relief of tourists and fellow street characters, cops ordered Elmo to scram the square or end up in the grey bar hotel.
Today’s lesson is brought to you by the letter C, for Crazy!