You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
Changing your sexuality to avoid paying bills.
DATELINE: England
According to the Sun Newspaper, an unidentified man owed $75,000 dollars.
Rather than set up a payment plan or file Chapter 13 as we Americans do, the British Lad decides to become a British Lass.
Seriously? You cut off your scrotum because you owe some money to AT&T.
Where’s your male pride son? I’d live in a refrigerator box before I cut off Mr. Winky.
And do you really think changing your name from Will to Willamina is going to keep the bill jackals from locating you?
They’ll find you. They always find you. They have secret spy satellites that look in your wallet and DNA sniffers that smell the ink in your check book. If they can’t hi tech you, they’ll lo tech you by calling your ex wife or your third grade teacher.
They’ll find you. It’s what they do.
And when they find you, they’ll jump your ass like you borrowed the money from them personally.
They’ll call you names and make you feel worse than you all ready do.
Like a guy behind on his car payment really needs to hear from a jackal that he’s also a worthless human and bad father.
These slugs don’t care if you cut off your penis and stick it in the collection plate at church. They don’t care if your momma has cancer, or you skied off the side of a cliff.
They just know that man or woman, skirt or pants, thong or briefs, you owe $75,000 dollars.
With or without testicles, they think of you as a dead beat. You are the goal. You are their meal ticket. They robo-dial you with a prepared text that read with all the passion of a day old donut.
To the bill man you are spoiled food in a dumpster behind a Taiwanese restaurant.
Like they care what your sex is?
You are a number, plain and simple.
If you want to get out of paying that debt, you need to fake your own death. Forget about losing the penis, you need to lose your life.
But they’ll still keep coming. They’ll call the cell phone in your pocket in your coffin.
These modern day bill collectors are the terminator. Even when you force their tanker trucks into a gas station and they burst into a ball of flames, They keep coming.
Their dead cold eyes slowly energize and glow red like the Satan dogs they are.
Boy or Girl, ovaries or testes, they keep coming.
Satan looking for souls, has more patience.
Anonymous dude, I wish you would have consulted with That’s Crazy prior to the sex change operation. Anyone on our staff, anyone with a pulse for that matter could have saved you a lot of pain and anguish.
We would have told you to skip the operation, grab a beer and start making affordable payments.
The bad news: anonymous man now sits to pee and probably sports a sizable scar under his new Brazilian.
The good news: anonymous man has reportedly restructured his debt load and is making minimum payments to a Terminator named Arnold who takes no for an answer like Satan turns away lost souls.
And that is crazy.
Cheerio.