You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Iron Man III
I give the story 3 crazies on a scale of 5.
The story is high octane visuals and crisp one liners, but it’s a little thin when it comes to plot.
Hey Crazy Critique™ – it’s a comic strip, right?
Take away Robert Downey Jr. and this film is Transformers or Battleship. It’s a forgettable cinematic farce with a big promotional budget that falls short like a super model at a spelling bee.
But IRONMAN III will go on to blow the doors off the box office. Why?
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
He is a star. He lights up the screen. He is quick and charismatic and the camera loves him. Gwynth Paltrow is the most beautiful woman in the world and R.D.JR steals her camera moments. I had to keep asking myself why are you staring at R.D.JR and not GP? Are you speed balling on estrogen?
Nope. He’s just that F***ing Good!
He’s the rare actor that chicks want to be with and guys want to do tequila shots with.
His cool pops off the screen. He is bigger than Iron Man. Downey Jr. is more than a suit, more than explosions, more than a comic strip hero.
He is funny and poignant. Watching the film, I wondered several times if he was ad libbing his lines because they seemed so spontaneous. Few writers can write so perfectly for a character. The timing was impeccable and it just seemed like he was given liberty to say whatever the hell came into his head.
Crazy Critique™ thinks the story was weak. It forces the audience to make a lot of connections and assumptions. The bad guy is a DNA scientist who – 13 years ago – was a nerd and wanted to meet Tony Stark on a roof top. But Tony Stark is drunk and courting a female botanist and well, the nerd is left to watch New Years alone on the roof.
Not exactly Shakespeare is it?
If you are confused, you might not be alone.
Somehow this plot line is maintained throughout the film.
And if you swallow this pill and chase Nemo down the rabbit hole, then there are many more pills to swallow.
Like how did the bad guys get super human powers? And what kills them again? At times they seem indestructible, stronger than a homeless guy on Ripple wine. And then suddenly you can punch them in the face and they collapse like a ponzi scheme hatched in a Nigerian Boiler room.
And if that’s not confusing enough, the plot centers around terrorism. I keep wondering why they need some Osama Bin Laden bad ass when they have fire breathing zombies.
The story is weaker than a boy band wearing thongs.
In the end, surprise surprise, you know that Iron Man will win.
The best part of Iron Man III is the time that R.D. JR spends out of the suit. The movie thrives when Stark is at his weakest.
He has panic attacks and is unsure of himself.
The movie is at its best when Stark goes to Tennessee and befriends a boy who has lost his dad.
Stark is funny and surprisingly curt to the child who needs a father figure.
Stark would bed down his momma, but be his daddy? Hardly.
The movie ends predictably and ties itself up with a big bow.
At the end of the day, it’s another expensive, PR fueled blockbuster that won’t win any academy awards but will break the bank.
And the only reason it’s really worth going is for R.D.JR.
And by the way. Hang for the last scene after all the credits. It’s funny.