You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Teenagers.
They are little combustion engines of adolescent angst.
Teenagers are hormonal H-bombs venting atomic disgust at anything and everything.
can you say; Vituperative?
You don’t know anything dad. You are old, you don’t understand.
Oh I understand all right.
I understand you kids are crazy.
Katie Perry and Maroon 5 and MTV’s Jersey Shore.
This is the new religion for this new millennium wave of angry little people.
If you are over 25 you are an idiot who doesn’t understand and couldn’t possibly know.
What is it that goes on inside the teenage skull that transforms perfectly normal children into raving lunatics of moody frustration?
I remember when we could pose them on a pony.
Now they won’t even look at the camera and they curse at you for daring to take their picture. They act like some Amish carpenter whose soul I am trying to steal.
Currently, I am looking into the chaotic eyes of a meltdown that begins without warning. It is raging, and brooding and it makes no sense. It is a rogue wave that emerges on a normal sea. Suddenly, the wave is 15 feet tall, and it is barreling down my couch, preparing to crush and kill all in its way.
All I asked was; “did you brush your teeth?”
ZOWIE.
You’d think I asked Joan Rivers how many plastic surgeries she had.
Stomping and huffing and throwing of the cell phone. It’s an orchestrated funk that is growing old quickly.
I am looking for a huge UPS crate so I can ship this recalcitrant, dyspeptic teen to Timbuktu. I’ll put a return to sender label on the box with special instructions: Return when irrational tantrums have subsided.
It could be a while. This unrequited anger ball has all the staying power of Mt Vesuvius.
Since putting a kid in a crate is probably a DCS violation, I guess like my parents and their parents before them, I will just have to grin and bear it. But I don’t like it. I bet they didn’t like it either.
Battle lines are drawn. Only time will tell.
Now go brush your F***ing teeth.
And that is crazy.