You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
How little money there is in small town government for animal control.
They say dog is man’s best friend. You wouldn’t say that if you toured your local shelter today.
I dare you, give it a try.
The minute you pass through the door, the sound yelps pierce your heart. You can’t even see their faces, but the anguish and despair bounces off the corridors.
Enter the main sanctuary where they keep abandonded and lost dogs and feel the hope rush out of your soul.
It’s a kick in the scrotum the visage is so sad.
Cage after cage lined with a little life that is ticking away like a furry time bomb. Each cage contains a four footed creature that wants a chance to chase a ball and curl up at your feet and lick your hand.
Walk down the aisle and try not to hate mankind. Walk down the aisle and try not to inhale the insanity that would allow so many beautiful animals to run loose, to be captured and then corralled in this sterile weigh station, waiting for an injection that will put them to sleep forever.
The pitiful stares from behind the bars. It’s enough to make you cry. Each puppy, each dog, each abused animal on the four footed version of death row trying to get you to stop at the cage and pet their head. The sorrowful head butt into the cage, the aggressive tail wag, the cute little ear twitch. Each animal with its own distinct personality tyring its best to get you to stop and pay attention to them. If only they can get you to pet their head through the cage. If only they can lick your fingers. The dog knows this may be its only chance of leaving the shelter on a leash and not a body bag.
Prostitutes in Denmark do the same thing working behind the curtains of their glass cages. The goal is the same. Get the customer to stop, to take interest and to make a financial commitment. If you’re lucky they’ll lick your fingers as well.
While most of us love animals and treat them like family members. County Governments view animals as property. In many county ordinances you can exchange the word dog for couch and the integrity of the ordinance remains in tact. It’s sad, but animals are not highly valued as a commodity by most city governments.
Laws protecting these defenseless creatures are weak and the money available to help them, neuter them, medicate them, is sadder than Brittany Spears latest comeback tour where she exposes her flabby stomach and wears a ring master’s whistle around her neck.
Most municipalities are all ready drowning in red ink and sadly, for right or wrong, people come over pets. Trust me, animals are more true to God’s plan than people could ever be, but sadly we have the opposable thumb and they can only lick their own asses, so we make the rules, I guess.
It is because of this serious lack of public funding that animal lovers will do almost anything to raise money and awareness to help animals in distress. God bless them, but when is it all too much?
DATE LINE BULVERDE, Texas
12 woman ranging in age from 28 to 75 are laterally giving the shirts off their backs to help the local shelter. SI swim suit models they aint!
The woman have posed nude for a calendar to drum up money. The collective eyebrow of this Bible Belt town is on heightened alert over this one. Imagine the most pedestrian of women, the bus driver, the check out girl, the church secretary, pulling their shirts off and doing jumping jacks in front of your face. Jeez Louise! if your eyes didn’t fill with blood you would certainly lose your appetite.
According to a CNN report; Ms.January is 75 and butt ass naked. Her 8 decade old sagging flesh obscured from the camera by the well positioned Beagle in her lap. I don’t know if i want to pet the beagle or stab my eyes with a fork.
Come on man! Is life this crazy enough!
Now I gotta save a pooch from death’s doorstep by forking over cash to look at someones great grandma topless. Haven’t I done enough for this country all ready? I’ve been paying into a social security system for 30 years and the only thing I will get out of it is acid reflux. I’ve helped bail out unsinkable banks and helped the world’s greatest auto company get back on its feet. I give and give and give and now a bunch of naked plain Jane do gooders want me to do more.
Did anybody think to ask the strippers down at the Wild Goose to see if they were interested in helping the hounds? I mean they’re all ready naked so how hard is it to throw a black lab puppy in their lap and say cheese? At least these women have skin that seems to begin and end at the appropriate body parts.
And what if I do buy this calendar featuring the honeys of the humane society? Do I have to stare at Mother Time for 30 straight days. How can I find my wallet if I’m blind, ya’ll
How much you expect a hard working man to pay for a calendar featuring geriatric strippers? “Yo baby, can you move your schnauzer to the right. I need a better look.”
YIKES!
Who the hell is buying this calendar? Their husbands? Only because if they don’t, they’ll be in the dog house? Who else is hanging this on the kitchen wall? The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker? Doubtful! Guys in prison wouldn’t use this calendar to mark off the days remaining on their sentences. I wonder if the animals on doggy death row even like sitting in a naked old ladies lap. It makes you think? Pose for the picture or just take the needle?
If the Muslims are right, then once I go to sleep there will be a 27 virgin “bitches” waiting in dogie heaven for me. That might be worth taking one for the team for?
HMMMMMM?
Don’t get me wrong, the calendar is tastefully shot. The animal themed calendar doesn’t reveal any body parts that you wouldn’t normally see at a swimming pool or a somewhat inappropriate day spa. But the idea of granny hugging her Chihuahua, butt ass naked! Please, can’t someone reading this just give these
do-gooders some cash.
I mean, Ms. February is hugging a Dalmatian and I can’t tell where the dog’s spots begin and Ms February’s spots end. Is this the page I want to write my son’s soccer information on?
Old woman nakedness is better off left unseen. Old man nakedness too. There’s talk of the husbands doing a calendar next year.
I’m going on a bender right now, and I won’t dry out till someone promises me that I won’t have to see a 80 year old bag of flesh hiding his crusty old Johnson behind a Dachshund. Tell Mr. November to go home and sleep it off in his Lazy-boy.
Where is the nearest 12 step program: god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Wow.
Somehow this marketing mistake has raised 12,000 dollars. that’s wonderful. It’s just sad that a bunch of women have to take off their clothes to get people to care about hurt, abandoned and neglected animals.
If the calendar featured the dogs of death row, how much money would that raise?
How bout putting the face of a cute puppy that is going to be put to death on every single square of the month. That might get people’s attention better than some saggy bosoms.
Monday’s death dog: Pumpkin the poodle.
Tuesday’s death dog: Rachel the rottweiler
Wednesday’s death dog: Same the Shepperd.
And so it goes.
By Thursday, you’d be so freakin depressed you’d call in sick to go to the shelter to shovel poop.
The volunteers who don’t look that good with their clothes on were quoted as telling CNN: “there’s not much i won’t do for animals.”
Obviously!
So what’s next?
Hooking for pets?
Crack cocaine pot luck dinners?
Bank fraud Bingo.
I love the creativity girls, but I think you should take your message to the County Commission and plead your case. Put the pressure on the good ole boys and let them know that pets are part of our society and they deserve the necessary funds to live or in some cases die with dignity.
If our forefathers had wanted laws to be influenced by old women with saggy boobs they would have made John Hancock sign the Declaration of Independence topless!
And that is crazy!