You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
How long it takes for the feature film to start at the movie theater.
Sure Fandango says Inception starts at 8pm, but you know that it’s going to be 8:45 before you see Leonard DiCapprio do a damn thing.
This is not just my frustration, this is a universal constant of crazy.
According to Chinese media outlets, which are as reliable as a sun dial in a typhoon, a Chinese woman is suing because she says the movie theater wasted her time.
The Telegraph reported that Chen Xiaomei believes the Cinema should have warned her about the long advertisements before the movie “Aftershock,” a Chinese movie about an earthquake.
You go girl. I feel your pain. I hate paying $10 for a show and then watching ads for Pepsi and Burger King. These are the same freakin ads I just saw at home for free.
Were the ads better because they were in the theater? No. Was I more compelled to eat a burger and drink a soda pop because I saw them on the gigantic screen?
Nope.
In fact, I now get a facial twitch when I say the word Pepsi. I’m twitching as I write the words.
PEPSI. PEPSI. PEPSI.
Why am I twitching?
Because I now associate Pepsi with the anger I felt in the theater when I was forced to watch it. Pepsi equals frustration and angst and wasted time and forced commercialization upon me featuring a product that I am paying my hard earned money not to watch.
I guess things really do go better with Coke.
Like Chen Xiaomei, I believe that I paid 10 dollars and this should afford me the EZ pass lane of cinema. I should sit down, the lights go off and the feature begins.
If the movie is free then, I understand that I have to watch Pepsi commercials. It’s the penny-saver theory of economics. You gotta give to get.
But when I’m paying top dollar for a product, I want the product when I want it.
When I pay 30 dollars a month for XM radio, I didn’t hear any commercials. If I did, I would have thrown my receiver at someone on the interstate.
So to me, the Chinese law suit is a rainbow on a cloudy day.
The woman’s lawyer claims that they wasted her time and violated her freedom of choice. She wants the companies to refund her 35-yuan ($5.16) ticket, pay another her 35-yuan ($5.16) in compensation and one yuan (14 cents) for emotional damages. She also wants a written apology.
I love the written apology, but I really love the fact that she is asking for 14 cents.
That is classic. It’s China, why not ask for a bowl of rice? Why not ask for a Rickshaw ride? Why not ask for a free box of Good N Plenty?
Sure the law suit is frivolous but you have to love a love suit that costs less than a six pack of Corona.
Xiaomei wants the cinema to publish the times of the advertisements on its website.
She wants to know that the commericials start at 8:00 pm and the movie starts at 8:22 pm.
I agree Chinese lady. By the time you sit through Coke Polar Bears and the latest Mountain Dew Commercial, you have to empty your bladder again. I want bladder insurance in case I have to wet myself.
I love the tenacity of the Chinese Law Suit, but 14 cents and a bowl of fruit loops is not going to send Paramount the right message.
So here’s my crazy plan.
1) boo loudly in the theater when the ads play
2) use your cell phone on any setting other than silent.
3) shine laser pointers at the screen any time the Burger King King does anything immoral or illegal.
4) exercise your right to buy products that don’t advertise in theaters. For instance, boycott the King, and patronize the Golden Arches.
5) money talks and rice bowls walk. Let your economic voice be heard. Sign petitions and speak out on movie message boards.
6) Let the movie industry know that you are serious. Previews are long enough. If you are going to play 20 minutes of commercials, then you need to give me something free. Free popcorn. Free Pepsi. Free anti-twitching medicine. Free foot rubs.
7) My time is valuable. My time is worth something to you, but its worth even more to me.
I support all crazy Chinese law suits. If they start a cinematic revolution here, then I’m all in.
and that is crazy.