You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Walking through an airport scanner and hearing a bunch of TSA employees cackling. You look up only to see female officers smirking and staring at a photograph of your just completed scan. To make matters worse the women point to your rapidly deflating crotch as if it is the punch line in a David Letterman monologue.
That is messed up.
DATELINE: LONDON
Heathrow utilizes full body scanners. The machines are touted as the most effective way to spot contraband. But the machines have their detractors who argue individual privacy is sacrificed because the scanners can actually depict what you look like under your clothing.
Whether scanners are good for airline travel came to a boiling point in the wake of the Christmas Day underwear bomber. Proponents question whether these scanners would have detected the underwear bomb, but say the xrays are more complete than anything currently used. The scanners literally undress a person showing their private parts, their boobs, the crack of their ass. Lord knows you need a clean ass crack to fly safely.
An Indian Movie star recently was undressed by one of these machines. His name is Shahrukh Khan and he passed through a scanner at Heathrow Airport. Khan knew something was awry when he heard the young women working the machine giggling like school girls, and passing the celebrity’s scan back and forth.
It seems that the scanners illuminate the male anatanomy with graphic clarity. If you are well endowed the Heathens at Heathrow will know it. If you are lacking manhood, then the miscreants will give you that sympathetic eye roll as you pass through.
Airport rules mandate that the scan be immediately destroyed for privacy reason, but these women were hanging onto the crotch exray like it was a copy of PlayGirl.
UK Transport Secretary Lord Adonis said last week “It is very important to stress that the images which are captured by body scanners are immediately deleted after the passenger has gone through the body scanner.”
That’s a nice press release Adonis. the problem is, your crew was checking out pubic areas in public areas and that is not cool.
The film star was quoted: “I was in London recently going through the airport and these new machines have come up, the body scans. You’ve got to see them. It makes you embarrassed – if you’re not well endowed,” said Khan, referring to how the scans produce clear images of a person’s genitals.
So now security is predicated on how well endowed we are. If I’m hung like a squirrel am I going to sheepishly saunter through the check point drawing gasps of horror? Does gasping in horror set a good tone for bomb detection?
If I’m hung like a Rhino, are the employees going to get so wide eyed stupid that they actually forget to check for the bomb taped to my immense testicle sack.
Houston we have a problem here.
I can see it now. Men afraid to go through the checkpoint. Not because they are afraid to fly, but afraid their manhood won’t measure up to the Asian man in seat 12-F.
I can hear it now: “No way baby! I’m not boarding that plane.” “This terminal is chilly.” “My underpants are restrictive.” “I haven’t been hydrating well lately.” “You go on ahead without me. Tell Grandma my Junk just doesn’t measure up!”
Going through security is going to feel like Junior High. Remember those awkward showers with the fellas. People are going to stare at your junk and make you feel dirty. And in the name of Airline Security!
You know who is going to benefit by this? GREYHOUND. The company’s new slogan: Take the Bus, and nobody will stare at your crotch. Greyhound, not one bus has ever decompressed at 36,000 feet and we don’t care what kind of underpants you are wearing! Go Greyhound!
Kahn tells The London Evening Standard: “I was a little scared. Something happens [inside the scans], and I came out. Then I saw these girls – they had these printouts. I looked at them. I thought they were some forms you had to fill. I said ‘give them to me’ – and you could see everything inside. So I autographed them for them,” stated Khan.
He autographed his security crotch shot. The terrorists really have won, haven’t they? Osama Bin Laden is in his cave somewhere laughing his turbin off now that the Western World is turning security into the sex-capades. It’s a freaking joke.
Lord Adonis says the violation is disturbing not only for Mr. Khan but becuase the scanners would seem to violate the child pornography laws.
First PlayGirl magazine. Now Child porn. The airport scanners will be implemented right after full body cavity searches are authorized for coach passengers.
Men with erectile dysfunction, low self esteem and their children will all now protest the scanners. And you women out there laughing; STOP! You aren’t immune. You don’t think the airport personell are NOT staring at your saggy boobs and whispering to each other which passengers just went Brazilian, if you know what I mean.
Welcome to the friendly skies everyone.
If I was you I’d get ready to tackle anyone who so much as pulls out a nail clipper on board. Since we can’t count on the TSA idiots, we are going to have to fly crazy. That means kick ass first and ask questions and say you are sorry later.
Sorry Asian dude. I know your well hung, but when you went for that dental floss, I got scared so I had to elbow you in the face. My Bad.
And that is crazy!