You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Dumpster Diving!
Back in the day, dumpster diving was defined as a person willing to go into a large garbage container outside a restaurant or apartment complex. A dumpster diver was a rag-a-muffin, a bum, a
nehr-de-well who would fish for food or clothes or someone’s semi soiled Farah Fawcett poster.
But in NYC Dumpster Diver takes on an entirely new meaning.
DATELINE: Manhattan.
According to published reports, three Dumpsters-turned-urban-swimming holes were scheduled to open on Park Avenue, each offering a refreshing dip smack in the heart of Midtown.
A refreshing dip? In a dumpster swimming hole?
This is Park Avenue People!
Is this a bad episode of the Park Avenue Hillbillies?
Reports say, the bright-red Dumpsters, part of the city’s Summer Streets program, create a little oasis between 40th and 41st streets.
Oasis?
Swimming in a dumpster sounds like an excellent way to catch an STD with your clothes on.
Who is the Parks and Rec director for NYC? Charles Manson? Was this guy raised with wolves in a diaper filled landfill?
I realize the dumpsters are not taken from behind Chin’s Chinese restaurant. I realize they are sanitized and perhaps even chlorinated, but just the idea of swimming in a dumpster leaves me asking why.
Look at the artist’s rendering. It’s as if 5th Avenue fashion models wearing babushkas on their heads are going to swim in the dumpster. Nothing says high fashion like DUMPSTER.
People are sitting on the stairs talking about life beside the dumpster. A woman is conducting business on her cell phone with the joyful splashing of neighborhood children dumpster diving in the background.
Can you say DEEE LIGHT FULL!
“This is why our tourists may set a record this year, because you do the edgy, different things and it gets you publicity,” Mayor Michael Bloomberg said on his weekly radio show.
Michael Bloomberg actually said this? Was he high on DUMPSTER dust? Who the hell comes to Manhattan to swim in a dumpster? That’s like going to Po Dunk to eat Alaskan King Crab.
Developed by Macro Sea architects, the Dumpster pools are three to five and a half feet deep.
No problem there. 5 feet deep. I can’t see more than one or two quadriplegic injuries a month. Who pays for that? Citizens of New York? The Manhattan tourism bureau?
Here’s the good news: Each dumpster has passed a health inspection.
I guess they stopped testing for venereal disease and cock roach feces and bacterium from the inner sanctum of a filthy new york bum.
“It might be a waste of water, but, other than that, it’s a good idea,” said Eric Simms, 42, an Upper East Sider working in finance. “There should be more of them.”
It sounds like an excellent election platform: “Vote for Eric Simms and I promise dumpster diving on every corner.”
The pools will be open from 7:00am local time to 1:00pm, with security, portable showers and changing rooms available.
Changing rooms? How elegant?
Talk about champagne wishes and caviar dreams.
That is dumpster-licious!