You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
A burger inside a donut.
Think of it as a coronary on a sugar bun. It’s a diabetic nightmare. Its a clogged artery in a viscous stew of heart trouble.
This burger sits on the cliffs and sings to sailors. Like a siren,this bastion of fat hypnotizes the burger lover and donut enthusiast alike, convincing them that two food groups on opposite ends of the periodic chart surely go together.
Yeah, like Nitro and Glycerin go together.
The burger of which I speak is not made by a franchise with a felonious king or Ronald McDonald or little red headed girl.
This colossal burger of disgust, of excess, of nauseating proportions is made by Krispy Kreme.
Yes, Krispy Kreme. The donut experts.
Sure they know donuts and coffee, but what do they know about burgers?
From the ingredients I’ve seen, they don’t know a damn thing. It’s as if this burger was created in a junk yard of culinary insanity.
Imagine the usual hamburger smothered with bacon and dripping with cheese. Imagine all the fixings, and then it’s all placed between two Krispy Kreme buns filled with sugar and moist donut deliciousness.
WHAT!
ketchup and pickles and sugar and burger and donuts. And all of it swimming in griddle hot grease.
YAK.
It sounds repulsive, doesn’t it.
A donut burger?
I would rather gargle with the stomach bile of Lindsay Lohan after a night of clubbing.
They call it the “Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger.” I call it the 9 1 1 what’s your emergency meal.
According to published reports: Some consider this the world’s unhealthiest snack, but it is making the rounds and showing up at state fairs and ball parks across the country.
Sure it’s a hit at the state fair. Have you ever seen the collective girth at the state fair. Waist lines at the state fair are measured in cubic yards. Jiggle ratios at the state fair are calculated with laser technology formulated by MIT technicians.
Reports say the Krispy Kreme Burger has 10 grams of sugar. Who knows how much fat is wedged into that gastro-intestinal time bomb.
Eating a Krispy Kreme Burger is exactly the reason the world hates us.
It’s not enough just to have food. It’s not enough to have a delicious hamburger. No, we have to create a meat product that is also a desert. We create a food item that fits in your hand, that has all the caloric intake of a small African nation.
Donuts and hamburger meat go together like Obama and Palin at a Muslim pig roast.
The Krispy Kreme Burger is the Spruce Goose of food. It’s design is reckless, dripping in excess.
If it’s ok to put a burger between donuts, then what’s next?
Thanksgiving turkeys stuffed with Dominoes Pizza?
Bacon wrapped Tootsie Rolls?
A Western Omelet filled with Pringles?
I say boycott the insanity. Bring back old school food. Eat a BLT. Have a Salami on Rye. Have A Swiss Cheese Burger or a Philly Steak sandwich.
Quit polluting the river of food with filth and unnecessary ingredients. Dont’ buy this product. Use your will power to push this repulsive combination away. If you practice some monetary restraint, the Krispy Kreme donut burger of death will also die.
Of course something else equally unnecessary and quintessentially American will take its place.
But we’ll deal with that crazy when we get to it.