You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
A guy whose sand castle tries to kill him.
You heard me. The beach got pissed, the sand got mad, and when the guy wasn’t looking, it closed in around him, whooped him upside his head, and tried to choke the life out of him.
What would make a beach so irate that it turns from vacation allure into Sand the Ripper?
Here are the facts as I know them. The victim is a 23-year-old German man who has Moron stamped on his passport.
As far as I can tell, he has the iq of a hamster and has never finished the New York Times Cross Word puzzle. He has the mental acumen of used toilet paper.
According to published reports: the guy was digging a hole one minute, and the next, the fire department is making like BayWatch.
Like you, I’ve been to the beach. I’ve made my share of sand castles and yes, I have even dared to dig a hole.
I’ve buried my kids in sand, I’ve buried myself in sand. I’ve dug two holes and connected them with a tunnel. I have no problem with sand and sand has no problems with me.
Like Evil Kenevil de la playa, I’ve even felt confident enough to walk to the shore line and allow water to enter a child’s bucket and then carry it back to the sand hole I was working on.
when it comes to the beach, just call me BOND. JAMES BOND.
Not once did I think my life was in danger. Not once, did I ever call 911. Not because of sand. Not because of an angry beach.
But according to published reports, the German man was on a beach in Spain’s Canary Islands when his hole collapsed and buried him up to his head. Spanish sand is famous for being aloof, preoccupied with a sandy siesta, perhaps gorging on a lunch of wine and cheese.
Spanish beaches are known for their sense of the absurd, and obscure, fluffy beauty. But Attempted Murder? Not the Spanish sand I know.
That’s why I find the whole story hard to fathom. According to reports, the man’s girl friend called for help. She claims he was trapped like a South American miner, buried up to his neck for two hours before he was finally freed.
Can you imagine that call:
911: what’s your emergency
Girlfriend: My boyfriend’s hole collapsed on him
911: Your hole collapsed on who?
Girlfriend: Not my hole. The beaches hole.
911: The beach has a hole mam?
Girlfriend: No, you don’t understand.
911: mam have you been drinking?
Girlfriend: No, I have not been drinking, my boyfriend, he was in a
hole. the sand caved in on him.
911: is he breathing?
Girlfriend: the sand is up to his nostrils. Please come quick.
911: The beach swallowed a man? Mam do you know it’s illegal to
make crank calls to 911.
According to published reports; the call was for real as unbelievable as it sounds.
And thank God there is a positive outcome to this harrowing tale.
Fire fighters arrived and were able to extracate the man from the death hold the beach had on him.
Now this 23 year old fool can try his luck at aluminum foil in the microwave.
What a moron.
“He dug a 10-foot deep hole when the sand buried him,” the girlfriend told the giggling firemen.
Five vehicles and 15 firefighters were involved in the rescue.
The man suffered no life threatening injuries. The sand is reportedly being held for questioning.
What a collosal waste of Spanish tax payer money.
And that is crazy.