You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Not knowing when to make your move romantically.
Have you ever moved in to kiss a woman and she turns her head and you end up chipping your tooth on her “she can do better than you” face?
Have you ever stared at a girl in a club getting up the nerve to dance? Suddenly, just as the nerve and the 3 tequila shots you ordered at the bar fill your veins, 2 of her girlfriends grab her and take her to the middle of the dance floor where they proceed to put on a salacious bump and grind that brings the house down.
Have you ever spent 12 years emailing and texting a girl, sending her thousands and thousands of communications but you are still not sure if you really want to meet her in person?
HUH? THAT’S CRAZY!
This next story is about needing to be decisive. It’s about S****** or getting off the pot. There comes a point in life where you have to man up, take the bull by the balls, grow a pair, show me something.
According to the Herald Sun in Melbourne, a couple spent a dozen years courting each other on line.
The couple has exchanged 45,000 emails.
And you think your in box is filled with spam?
45,000 emails!
Citi-card, ATT, Freeze Ted Williams Head.org, Vote for Obama and nobody gets hurt.net and hot momma.com
ALL TOGETHER these fine organizations haven’t sent me that many emails.
This is a story of love and not knowing how to pull the trigger.
According to published reports; Scott and Nicole McIntyre first made contact in 1998 while chatting on Yahoo.
They lived near each other but like dungeon and dragons geeks they never spoke to one another.
The frustrated pair reportedly exchanged emails and online conversations on and off for years.
Somewhere along the road of life, they lost contact. Then last December Nicole posted an ad in the “Lost Connections” section of Craigslist looking for Scott.
In a new millennium love story, where wish lists and want ads circulate through an ether of filtration and hyper drives, the couple was reunited through friends and a Google search engine.
Like the introverted, cyber freaks they are, they made up for lost time emailing each other a casual 500 times a day.
I don’t think I blink 500 times a day. I don’t walk 500 steps a day. 500 emails? When does this leave time for anything else?
Let’s say you write: Hi.
The time it takes to type it and then fill in her email address and push send, takes 30 seconds.
Just when you were going to start vacuuming, she responds, 40 seconds later.
Hi back at you.
Well of course then you have to waste another 75 seconds typing: I’m fine. You?
Push Send.
OK, now I want to brush my teeth.
85 seconds later. Ding Ding. Your inbox notification blares again.
I’m eating a peanut butter sandwich, thinking of you. Yum Yum.
So you respond. It takes another 115 seconds to write: Peanut butter. You know what I would like to do with you and some peanut butter…
And so it goes. only 497 more emails to go. This communication makes running the iron man in lava seem easy. What the hell is this couple thinking? Are they stoned? Are they high on isolated infatuation?
According to the news, Since last December the pair exchanged more than 45,000 emails — and Scott has saved every one. Saved every one of his 45,000 emails! Scott is obviously an idiot. First of all you always get rid of the evidence Scott. Second of all, where are you storing all this nonsense? NASA
This love affair should be an episode of OPRAH.
Published reports indicate that Nicole was engaged to someone else but when Scott began his incessant barrage of cyber babble, she called off the relationship.
You know who the happiest guy in this whole story is? The guy who is not married to Nicole. WHEW he says every time he gets a spam email.
Nicole and Scott finally got up from their computer terminals in other sections of the world and met, physically I presume, in Las Vegas.
I have no way of confirming this, but I bet they consummated the wedding night with a flurry of rapidly typed oohs and aaahs and !!!!!!.
Oh Baby! Type Harder. Type Faster.
My guess is the couple has yet to physically speak to one another and sexting is a way of life.
No word on whether the couple is expecting a new addition to their family:
an ipad.
And that is crazy.