you know what’s crazy. I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
Christmas Eve in the facebook millennium.
No carolers knocked on my door. But telemarketers from ADT security did try and sell me an enhanced security system.
Don’t you realize it’s December 24th I said. Sir criminals don’t have calendars they responded.
Nice sales pitch.
Man it’s bad if you want to bitch slap someone on Christmas Eve.
So here I am on the day before the DAY and I am thinking, man, I could be at midnight mass. And instead, what am I doing? I am watching Independence Day on a borrowed tv.
(SEE PREVIOUS STORY OF XMAS SMASHED PLASMA)
Man that Will Smith is a diversified actor.
I could be sipping egg nog on this night of nights. Instead I’m drinking Makers Mark with a splash of lime juice. Few things shout holiday cheer like this fine Kentucky Bourbon.
I could be consuming Chateau Brion on a table adorned with silver and fine table linen. Instead I’m at Outback Steak House. I order cheesy fries and a fillet. Not bad it could have been a Whopper.
I could have opened up one present for Xmas Eve. Instead I opened up 2. That’s all I received.
I could have put up a tree, instead I hung up a strand of lights.
I could have, I should have, I would have.
It’s a brave new world and it’s a brave new Christmas Eve.
It’s a time for family and a time for giving.
It’s a time when only 2 of the three major networks are live from the Vatican in Rome. What’s the other channel showing? A CSI from 2005. Nice. Merry Crime Scene.
Christmas Eve 2012: A time to remember not to buy your recalcitrant 16 year old daughter the 2nd book in a series before she has read the first. Yikes. Watching her open that gift was excruciating. It was like watching open heart surgery on a sick stomach.
Christmas Eve 2012: a little naughty a little nice. It’s a time when one of your kids hands you an unwrapped toaster in a box and says, “here, Merry Christmas.”
New Millennium Christmas Eve.
Anyone want toast?
That’s crazy.