You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy! ™
College age students having to be told to brush their damn teeth!
Really? Really!
DATELINE: Oral Hygiene, New York.
Apparently students from the prestigious Columbia Business School are dressing badly, smelling worse and forgetting to floss the lettuce out of their teeth.
Are you kidding me? Are these 11 year olds making fart noises in the crux of their arms?
Nope. These are young adults ready to embark upon the world.
According to published reports, recruiters from top notch firms have been complaining about bad hygiene and unprofessional wardrobes.
“We understand that it is an incredibly intense recruiting period, and [it] is very hard to find time for yourself,” read the missive from the school’s Investment Bankers Club that was circulated Monday. “But this is a friendly reminder on some dress code and personal hygiene basics.”
Based on what I just wrote, I am afraid this nation’s economy is destined to swirl around the drain forever. If we have to ask prestigious business students to shower and brush their teeth, will we also have to ask them to check their math, to carry a decimal place, to understand Gross Domestic Product?
So the school, obviously embarrassed, put out a basic grooming check list. Can you believe that? A business school having to issue such an edict? This is the kind of notice you might find on the wall of your local day care.
1. Brush your teeth regularly. Have a mint/mouth refresher before going to recruiting events (avoid chewing gums).
Brush your teeth regularly? You don’t even have to tell bushman in Zimbabwe to brush regularly after a Zebra burger with slaw.
2. Carry antiperspirant if you are worried about sweating.
Who the hell is going to carry antiperspirant with them? That is a bigger red flag than stinking up the joint. If you are worried about sweating, then hose down big fella and think dry thoughts.
3. Don’t wear too much cologne/perfume.
OK. That’s reasonable, unless you are a bunch of old ladies in Miami Beach playing canasta. Otherwise you college stink bag, lose the cologne.
The university costs upward of 50 thousand dollars a year to attend. The business school is one of the most renowned in all the world, a stone’s throw from Wall Street, the world’s economic epi-center and sadly we have to remind future millionaires to S**, shower and shave.
It’s a sad testimony on the times as far as I’m concerned.
I wonder if the students studying sanitation engineering have to be reminded to wipe themselves?
How about the future broadcast journalists of America? Do they wipe their runny boogers on their sleeve?
It’s so sad, it’s crazy