You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Calling 911 without a tongue.
DATELINE: Sheboygan, Wisconsin
The focal point of this crazy story is no Lorena Bobbett, but she gives the princess of penile perpetration a run for her money.
According to the Sheboygan Press: A79 year old Wisconsin had emergency surgery to have his tongue re-attached. How did he lose his tongue? According to the paper; the man’s wife bit the tongue off during a kiss.
“I love ya baby, can you open your jaw a little wider for me?”
CHOMP!With his tongue on the ground getting a suntan, the hard to understand victim called police.
It probably went a little like this:
DISPATCH: 911 Where is your emegency?
Man: My wi bi my ton ov
DISPATCH: Excuse me sir. Can you speak more clearly.
Man: My wi bi my ton ov!
DISPATCH: your woobie turned over?
Man: Hep Me.
DISPATCH: Help is on the way sir.
What’s crazier?
The story is even crazier. When paramedics arrive, the tongueless man and his 57-year-old wife were outside singing Christmas carols.
Can you imagine that?
“Jinga bez Jinga Bez Jin Ga ah da wa”
You know what crazy looks like? A BLOOD STAINED TONGUELESS MAN AND HIS BRIDE TOASTING THE SEASON IN SONG.
Is this entire country and episode of COPS?
According to published reports, not only was the couple singing, not only was there blood everywhere, but the crazy old woman threw a coffee cup at the emergency responders.
Just her way of saying “Merry Christmas! Can’t Catch your tongue?”
The man didn’t want to press charges, but without a tongue, police couldn’t understand him, so charged her crazy ass anyway:
And that’s crazy.