You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy! ™
Forgetting that you are living every man’s dream and then barfing it up all over your shoes in a technicolor what just happened?
Whose riding on this week’s painted pony of stupid you ask?
Big Ben Roethlisberger.
The star quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers was suspended for six games April 21st.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell worte in a letter to the two time Superbowl champ:
“In your six years in the NFL you have first thrilled and now disappointed a great many people. I urge you to take full advantage of this opportunity to get your life and career back on track.”
Harsh words from a blunt man.
The dumbest Quarterback this side of Michael Vick stands to lose 2.8 million dollars during the suspension. Let me spell that out for you: TWO MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!
Just look at this photo. He’s hammered and wearing a shirt that says “Drink Like a Champion Today”
Glass houses, baby. Glass Houses! I know what you’re saying: “Hey Cordan; when you were young and dumb and full of Crazy, you were just as stupid as Big Ben.”
Yes you are correct. I pride myself on being the dumbest man to ever put on a pair of pants. The biggest difference between Big Ben and me? I was a pauper in a Pink Floyd video asking the school mom if I could have some more porrige.
Ben is a made man. Ben is the face of a Multi million dollar NFL franchise. Ben is on billboards at the airport urging you to spend money and have fun while you are in town. Kids don’t ask me to come to their cancer wards and sign their bandages. Apparently, when you are Big Ben, getting women is no more difficult than taking a number at the butcher shop.
“Number 18. Number 18, you’re up!”
Big Dumb Ben apparently didn’t realize that he landed at the end of the rainbow into the pot of gold. He’s living Robin Leaches Caviar wishes and Champagne dreams kind of lifestyle. And to think his kingdom could be thrown away in a bathroom stall in all of 90 seconds. What a moron.
How would you like to lose $467,000 dollars a week because you had sex in a bathroom with a 20 year old college co-ed, so “Faced” she thought she was Mr. Ed.
Roethlisberger is lucky he is only losing $66,000 dollars a day for these embarassing transgressions.
He’s lucky the Georgia D.A. dropped the charges against him or else he might have been spending time in prison for sexual assault.
The commissioner wrote Big Ben his letter: Here is mine:
“Hey dumb ass! Listen up! I know you are a big strong man with 40-million bucks in the bank, but you have to start thinking like a role model, like a community leader, like a man kids want to grow up to be. You have two superbowl trophies and women hanging all over you. Wealth and celebrity come with a price. Being the king of 3 Rivers means you can probably take home any girl you want, but you need to be a gentleman about it. The next time your body guards secure a bathroom door just so you and some hot honey can get it on in a bathroom stall, take a rain check. Take the girl to a coffee shop, or take her home and act like two consenting adults. If you are having trouble meeting the right kind of girls, the kind you can bring home to mother, then try E Harmony dot com. Get Mr. Rooney to set you up with his cute niece. Anything is better than a back room liasion that involves the district attorney. So Ben, feel lucky that you are only being spanked in the media and fined $2,750 dollars an hour. You could be the bottom bitch of a tattooed Crip named Odd Job.”
That’s Crazy ™