You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Hercules – The Movie.
My assessment: Fun but dumb.
That’s not a great review, but certainly better than: Bad and why’d I pay for that?
As your literary friend, I would say that Hercules is worth the price of a matinée ticket, but not a dollar more.
It’s a good movie to bring a bunch of snarky teens to, but don’t bring your date unless you want to break up later.
Fun but dumb! Yeah, that about sums it up.
To some, fun but dumb, might actually be too nice a review.
Siskel and Ebert would debate the merits of the story, saying it lacks serious plot development.
“But what about the integrity to ancient literature, to mythological principles?” they might argue.
Critics who hate Computer Generated Imagery (CGI) might not like it since much of the movie feels like it was filmed before a green screen.
Those who don’t like whole sale violence might not like it because it is full of fast paced battle scenes where blood flows as easily as the F bomb in the latest rap video.
As the credits roll, I get up from my seat and wobble toward the stairs. There is a smattering of applause, mostly from the two front rows in front of the massive screen. It appears to be a church group of wayward youth standing as one.
They are clapping and high fiving. Apparently they like the film.
I smile.
“I liked it,” I proclaim to no one, as my eyes adjust to the lighting.
“That was so stupid,” my 15-year-old son says shuffling down the aisle.
“He picked up a horse and threw it while it was running, dad. That was ridiculous.”
I burst out laughing. He’s right. I never thought about it. There was no time between non stop chariot racing and arrow launching scenes.
Hercules did pick up a horse and throw it across the battle field. It was ridiculous!
But it was also fun. A mindless voyage of imagery and non stop be-headings.
“He picked up a horse and threw it!,” my son says reiterating his point.
The words make me laugh.
During one of many battle scenes, Hercules does pick up a horse and its rider in mid gallop and Hercules throws the unsuspecting equine across the battle field like one might discard an empty pop corn container.
Catching, picking up and then throwing a galloping horse in mid stride is one thing. But doing it with your enemy in the saddle? It was shocking, cartoon-like. It was kind of awesome.
Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, stars as Hercules.
He fits the role. He is a ripped piece of beef. He fills up the screen with muscles on top of muscles. He is a cinematic Demi-God in a loin cloth.
He carries a club and a big on-screen presence. His head alone should be sent fan mail on Easter Island.
Most of us know the mythological version of Hercules who has 12 labors to complete. The film shows Hercules battling Hydras and lions, but it also calls into question whether Hercules is a Demi-God, the son of Zeus?
This film is less about mythology and more about a God-like mercenary and his four battle buddies selling their warrior talents for gold.
When the Rock delivers a line, no one will ever mistake him for Marlon Brando. But the Rock is also cinematically believable as Hercules. He has his own demons to over come, including the loss of his family and his own understanding of his mysterious strength.
My son gives Hercules four thumbs up. That’s a lot of thumbs for a teenager with 2 hands who called this movie stupid. I’m not sure if four thumbs up is good or not?
I don’t give it four thumbs up, but I do give it one thumbs up.
No story is new. Every good story has a central character who must complete some sort of journey. This is the basis of story telling. That’s why so many Hollywood films today are remakes of earlier versions. The Hercules filmmakers could have just made another version of the same Hercules we’ve seen before. They didn’t. They attempted to tell a story about a classical mythological hero inventing new story lines and plot points that we had never imagined.
Hercules and his merry band of mercenaries.
Not exactly the way Aristottle imagined it, but …
Still, it is the classic hero’s journey told through a fresh point of view.
Did they execute? I’d say if the idea was to make a high impact visual spectacle and maximize the Rock’s physical characteristics while minimizing his acting talents? Then mission accomplished.
“He picked up a horse and threw it dad!”
Bet you never saw that one coming. Fresh. Unique. Silly.
Word of mouth will probably kill this movie by week two.
But it will live long in DVD and HBO release. I wouldn’t be surprised if like Top Gun or Rocky, Hercules ultimately becomes one of those films that comes on TV on TBS that you find yourself watching despite yourself.
“He threw a horse, dad. It was stupid.”
That’s how I’d promote the film.
Hercules. The Demi-God who threw a horse.
I’d like to see those words plastered across the DVD box.
Who wouldn’t pay to see that?
My snarky 15 year old.
Life’s Crazy™