You know what’s crazy? I”ll tell you what’s crazy™
Jesus in your toast.
The Virgin Mary on your moldy couch.
Moses and his tablets burning a hole in the soap film on your bathroom mirror.
According to a new study by Canadian and Chinese researchers, seeing faces is “normal”
How Chinese and Canadian researchers working together is normal is another study for another day.
“It’s common for people to see non-existent features because human brains are uniquely wired to recognize faces,” says lead researcher Kang Lee.
That means your brain likes puzzles that are completed. The brain takes a partial pattern and fills in the blanks. The brain likes faces so faces is what you see.
Normal.
So if you see Jesus in your oatmeal, maybe you should hold off calling the Catholic Diocese for confirmation.
If you see the pope in your cat’s litter box? Maybe what you think is the Pope is really poop.
According to published reports: “believing is seeing,” and we see what we expect to see.”
I didn’t need a team of Canadian-Chinese researchers to tell me this. Life’s Crazy has always filled in the empty places with faces. Here at the Life’s Crazy research department, we know that life is face-centric. We think faces are the center of the universe. Everything in life starts with a face. Maybe it’s Buddah? Maybe it’s Jesus? Maybe it’s Barack Obama coming after me whacking my knuckles with a ruler.
I don’t even know what that means.
At Life’s Crazy, all roads lead to the face. Eyes emerge and noses protrude and suddenly there are pouty lips.
Heads are round like Charlie Brown. Faces are oblong like a cartoon version of Mr. Freeze.
But at the end of the day, the face is the origin of life.
When a child comes into this world, how does it enter?
Head first. And what’s stuck to that head? The face, a smeared, greasy, gooey mess of nose and eyes and eye brows filled with life.
“Congratulations Mr. and Mrs America,” the doctor will say. “You are the proud parents of a new face.”
Have you ever seen the face of Nikita Khruschev in a glob of bacon grease? I have. He waved and told me that communism was a nice idea but he hated the bread lines.
Have you ever seen Mao Tse-tung in your breakfast burrito? Who hasn’t. He told me China is too red and his flag too boring. “Burgundy with a smiling rooster,” he says.
I have spilled ketchup on the floor and seen the face of Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes.
“Damn Filthy Apes,” the ketchup faced actor screamed.
I don’t need an MRI or queludes to tell me that I see faces.
Break a yoke? Hey that’s Cher.
Pour cream into a cup of joe? Is that Monica Lewinsky with a cigar?
I have dumped Lawry’s seasoned Salt on the counter of a Flemings Steak House and I swear an orange faced Walt Disney was trying to french kiss me and sing It’s a Small World.
I’m just saying; the brain is an interesting animal. It takes what we give it and arranges the world into recognizable patterns. Where there is emptiness, it fills the void. Where there is confusion, it tries to restore order
And what is more calming, soothing, than a face.
It’s the center of the human bull’s-eye.
It’s the warm spot in the ocean.
It’s that moment in grandma’s kitchen when the furnace kicks on and the heat blows up your pajama leg from her antiquated floor vent.
The face. It’s the 1st thing we see when we say hello.
A study?
I don’t need no stinking study to tell me that the brain sees faces where faces don’t exist.
Mother Teresa in a cinnamon bun. Morgan Freeman in melted peanut butter brittle. George Stephanopolous in carpet lint.
That what the human brain does. It makes the unknown known. It tries to solve the puzzle with or without our assistance.
That’s why a 1,000 people will line up at a bar b q joint in Memphis to see a splotch of sauce splashed on the wall. Is it the Virgin Mary? Or at the very least Mary Tyler Moore?
Don’t fear the face. Embrace the face. Live for the face. Face the face and you will face your fears.
Where there is a face there is hope.
If the founding fathers really knew what they were talking about they would have sure said: Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of the face.
So thanks Chinese and Canadian researchers wherever you are. Thanks for spending millions of Chinese and Canadian tax dollars to tell me something that I have always known.
Faces are life.
Life is crazy™