You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
How freaking mad I am right now.
I’m so mad my stomach hurts. Bile is bubbling out of my nostrils. My intestines are shoe laces double knotted and wrapped under my testes. My eyes are searing frying pans of intensity so hot, I have to register my hatred with the FBI.
Am I pissed? Does the Pope secretly wonder what the touch of a woman feels like?
Thursday, June 10th, 2010; the NCAA vomits on itself, handing down a near death blow to the USC Trojans. Way to gack NCAA!
As of this moment, the Trojans are facing 2 years of no post season play and 30 scholarships lost. More grotesque than this? The university will more than likely have to vacate the 2004 season in which they won 13 games, ultimately bludgeoning Oklahoma like a baby seal in the national championship game.
I’m so mad I worked out and broke the exercise bike. I’m so mad I challenged a trucker to a game of highway chicken. I’m so mad I want to fight my boss to show him he’s a weasel.
I’m so mad I want to fight some douche bag who commented on YouTube.
I’m so mad, I’m actually writing on FACEBOOK, and I could give a rat’s ass about FACEBOOK.
And then there’s TWITTER. I’m not writing that I like jelly beans or I had a random rumination. I’m TWEETING about a sea of death floating beneath my nostrils that smells like rancid sea weed and bloated squid.
Getting the picture?
TROJAN-HATERS can Suck It and here’s why.
This is not a situation where players took performance enhancing drugs to win games. This is not a case where players were given fake grades to stay in school. This is not a case where players raped co-eds or got into bar room fights or did anything that would have affected the on field performance of the team.
This is a situation where Reggie Bush’s parents allegedly agreed to take money and gifts from a sports agent who wanted to represent Reggie Bush after graduation.
Did Bush’s parents take the house? the cars? the cash? Reggie Bush still denies it.
Do I believe him? Not really. But let me ask you a question. If you are a 19 year old kid and your parents cut a deal with a sports agent that makes your mom and dad’s life better, are you going to call the police on your parents? Are you going to rat em out to your coach or the NCAA or the parish priest?
I doubt it.
So let’s say, for argument sake, that Reggie Bush and his parents did benefit from this relationship. That doesn’t mean the University of Southern California knew anything about it.
Reggie Bush’s parents new house didn’t win Reggie Bush the Heisman. Reggie Bush’s parents new car didn’t push Matt Leinert into the end zone at South Bend.
Was taking gifts from a sports agent wrong? Sure! But let’s be serious!
Unless Reggie Bush said, “Hey Coach Carroll, you wanna ride in my Testarosa and throw hundred dolar bills at the homeless?” then I cannot see how you can hold an entire University culpable.
As far as I’m concerned, the NCAA infractions committee was excessive in the penalty it handed down and reckless the way it delivered it.
You wonder if the boys in the NCAA had a beer after 5 years of beating their Neanderthal heads off the pavement and said;
“Well boys. We don’t have s***. We’re going to look like mutha F-ing idiots who wasted 1500 days on this issue and millions of dollars on this investigation. We gotta come up with something. Whose up for a hail Mary?”
And that’s how these nut less bastards end up justifying their slithering existences.
You want a comparison?
The sanctions on BP haven’t been this harsh and BP has ruined 3 coast lines and counting. BP has killed more fish than a Japanese fishing fleet. They’ve soiled Pelicans like the biggest loser contestants soil toilet paper.
And somehow, a football player’s parents living in a nicer home gets a stiffer penalty?
You want BP to suffer some consequences? Assign the NCAA to the case.
“Hey Bob, is that oil?”
“Sure is Jim, get me the dental implements”
“Where is that Tony Heyward, anyway?”
To you FACEBOOK douche bags; if you want to throw down, I’m available.
To you Trojan-Haters; I realize you are licking your chops like a starved mongrel. I understand cheating is cheating regardless of who knew and when. But there’s a little something called “punishment fitting the crime”
Just remember this. If I’m mad, and I’m a 47 year old sad-ass-man, with crappy knees and a bad attitude. How mad you think a bunch of 18 and 19 year old kids are going to be that the world just defecated on their dreams?
If I’m Lane Kiffin, I use this as the ultimate motivational force in the universe. The pre-game speech I give these kids is an emotional tornado that makes Tony Robbins look like the woosy he is. I get these kids so fired up, they run through the coliseum wall. My team not only leads the league in tackles, we lead the division in limbs ripped off torsos.
We are so angry, so fired up, the Pac 10 creates a new statistical category under the heading:
CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT.
I can stay mad for 2 years, so I know a bunch of teenagers can stay crazy that long.
If I am a recruit, I want to come to USC now more than ever. I got a chip on my shoulder. It’s us against the world. Let’s win despite what the pundits say. You think we’re going to fold like a beach chair in a hurricane? Think again? We’re Trojans and we will beat your sorry ass.
They say there’s nothing like Screwin a Bruin. Well now we’re going to slit your throat and eat your Adam’s apple in front of your children.
As Bon Scott once sang ; “If you want blood? You got it?”
We have no reason to hold back. Cal is our Superbowl. Oregon is our championship game. Bring on Texas and Oklahoma, we’ll kick your ass to the curb too. UCLA? better get that bear in the dress off the sideline. It ain’t safe no more.
We don’t need a post season. We’ll be the regular season champions. The rest of you can play for bandages and beer.
We are the USC Trojan “bee-atches!”
We play in South Central L.A. where dodging bullets is what we do during TV time outs.
Watch out NCAA investigators. If we figure out who you are, someone might just put Exlax in your diet coke and give you a super sonic wedgie.
Then you can see what it’s like to stick your own thumb up your own ass.
It seems to me that’s pretty much what you’ve been doing for the last 1,500 days anyway.
And that’s the Crazy Ass Truth as told by me; one crazy-ass angry-ass Trojan alum who can’t wait for Virginia to come to town so we can eat their flesh and make them our bitch.