You Know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Watching the World Cup over the NBA finals.
Now that is crazy!
I would have never thought this possible just a few years ago. Just like I never thought I would wear socks in sandals or be the oldest guy in a room still tucking his shirt into his pants.
But it has happened.
What did I do? I watched World Cup soccer instead of the NBA finals.
WTF?
In England this is not an issue. But I wasn’t born in Manchester. I was raised in the Golden State, where hoops are played in the Golden sunshine shimmering off the Pacific.
Watching The World Cup is acceptable here in the USA. But when you start watching it at the expense of a home grown product like the NBA, well them is fighting words on the Lower East Side.
When you watch The World Cup instead of the NBA, guys question if you have any semen that swims up stream.
But as they say in France. “That is the viewpoint of the ugly American, No?”
So here is how this sporting debacle transpired.
I went on a 3 day trip to Indiana. The NBA finals 7th game between the Lakers and the Celtics was airing Thursday night.
The next day, Friday morning, the World cup match between team USA and Slovenia was slated to air at 9:30 am.
I could have DVR’d both, but I knew that I would not be able to get through 2 days of not finding out who won one game or the other, and since I didn’t want to watch both games, I was left with a choice.
Tape the Soccer. Tape the NBA.
20 years ago, this is a no brainer. 20 years ago I don’t tape the NBA, because I watch the game live. 20 years ago I am not insipid enough to book a vacation during the NBA finals. 20 years ago I tell the kids to wait till Wimbledon starts the next week. That’s a no brainer. 20 years ago, I can name all the Lakers:
MAGIC. KAREEM. WORTHY. AC GREEN. BYRON SCOTT. RAMBIS. PAT RILEY IS THE MOST HANDSOME ASS COACH EVER.
I can name all the Celtics too: Larry BIRD. Kevin McHALE. Robert “chief” PARISH. Nate “Tiny” Archibald. Dennis Johnson. BIG RED Walton off the bench.
This was a classic conflict of epic proportions. East Coast V West Coast. This was CaptainAhab V the Great White Whale.
The NBA was king in the 80’s.
I’m still a sports fan. It’s not like I don’t have testosterone and enjoy a perfectly executed cross-over dribble.
And I know many of the modern day Lakers, most notably; Kobe and Pao Gasol. I know Ron Artest, mostly because he went into the crowd and fought anyone with a pulse. I can name four of the starting five Boston Celtics. Not bad for a disenfranchised fan, right?
But who are all these other guys? They are like the red shirts on the original Star Trek that died in the beginning of every episode.
The problem is, the NBA has changed so much, I don’t give a damn. To me the NBA is a monotonous array of super tall dudes running up and down the court throwing up meaningless three pointers, until they can take their next bong hit.
I have not watched an entire game all year. To me it is 82 GAMES of so what. There are teams in Oklahoma and New Orleans. Where the hell did they come from? Who cares? The NBA has grown tiresome to me. It’s a runnin and gunnin game of body art and felonious randomness.
On the other hand, there is World Cup soccer which I know many Americans equate to watching paint dry. I hear you American sports fan, I hear ya.
So what’s the father of a travel soccer kid to do?
Soccer for me and my son is what baseball was to me and my dad.
It’s relationship glue that creates memories that last a lifetime.
Because of youth soccer; I now know terms like: “friendlies”
“8 V 8” & “slotting the ball”
So back to the DVR-dilemna. Do I or Don’t I?
Do I stab America in the back only to sleep with my World Cup mistress?
What did I do?
Pull back the sheets FIFA darling because daddy’s coming.
I taped the World Cup match.
As soon as we got home from the amusement park, right after cleaning up the cat vomit, putting away the groceries, and wiping up the shards of salsa glass my wife broke because she didn’t ask me about how I packed prior to opening the rear hatch; that’s when I put on the game.
What I saw was a depressing first half in which the USA let a tiny, under matched Slovenia team kick their ass. By half time, the tiny nation was up 2-0, and I was trying to figure why I didn’t DVR the NBA game which would have allowed me to see the Lakers win back to back championships.
In the 2nd half, Landon Donovan sparked the US with a foot missile from point blank range that the Slovenia goalie could only wave at with his face.
With the game winding down, and the game tied, the Yanks have a free kick in the attacking zone. The players break in all directions. There is a melee of holding and bumping. Suddenly “EDU” breaks free and kicks the ball squarely into the back of the net.
There is pandemonium, but only for 5 seconds as the goal is waved off.
The Bali referee, who has been inconsistent and unpredictable all game, will not say why he waves off the goal.
The game ends 2 to 2 in controversy. It is upsetting, but also pure theater.
As it turns out, Sportscenter will show the Laker highlights 500 or 600 times in a row, so I feel like I got to watch this game as well.
I am glad the Lakers won. I like Kobe. He is a ferocious warrior who reminds me of Michael and Magic and Bird of
yester-year. He deserves the sports pedestal he is on.
I am also glad that soccer has evolved to the point that I now have to decide what to tape.
Crazy huh?