You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Stupid Criminals!
And stupid knows no borders. Stupid doesn’t need a passport. Stupid doesn’t need translation.
Stupid is as universal as a smile or a guy slipping on spilt borscht.
This latest caper comes to us from Japan, where a bandit robbed a bank disguising his face with a diaper.
You heard right, the armed robber cut 2 eyes holes in a Pampers and wore it around his face.
Let’s stop right there. Why would you use a diaper to disguise yourself?
Honestly, this is either a moron with the IQ of iced squid, or he is clinically insane.
Did he even know he was going to rob this bank prior to walking into the bank? Did he go to the financial institution to conduct business, and then suddenly think to himself;
“The hell with it. I’m going to steal me some bank money.”
Let’s see. I have a set of keys, a wallet, and oh yes, I have this diaper.
Who goes to the bank with a diaper? Is he a dad? Was he pushing a small child during this felonious assault?
If so that’s so wrong.
If this wasn’t planned, and he didn’t bring the worst disguise in the history of bank robberies with him, then where did the diaper come from? Did he find it in the trash? Was it clean? Was it full of meconium poop?
I would like to think the 55 year old South Korean man charged with the crime acted extemporaneously because if that’s the best plan he could come up, he’s stupider than cabbage.
I mean if you are going to rob a bank, a disguise seems like an important part of your plan. Why wouldn’t you buy a mask. How about Richard Nixon. Then you could flash a victory sign and scream ;”I am not a crook,” even though you are a crook. But if you don’t want to go through all that, you could sling a bandanna over your nose. It worked for Jesse James. How bout a hat slung low over the bridge of your nose?
There are so many ways to disguise your face without resorting to a diaper.
How bout a jock strap? Why not a sock? A chunk of used deodorant? How about boiled spaghetti noodles all wadded up into a ball of clumpy pasta. That would throw off tellers. Why not smear dog food over your face so you look like swamp thing. Howling
K-9’s might add to the confusion.
If you’re gonna be stupid, at least be creatively stupid.
Like this story couldn’t get any funnier….
Japanese publications report that that he fled on foot, and discarded his disguise because, while he remembered to cut eye holes, apparently, he forgot to cut an airway in his extra absorbent product.
That’s right, his own mask was suffocating him because he failed to cut a breathing hole.
IDIOT!
Proving he is no Einstein, the man turned himself in to authorities after police visited his house twice.
If I know police are looking for the diaper faced bandit, and they have all ready been to my home two times, I’m getting on my bad motor scooter and I’m gone.
Not this numb nuts. He surrendered, the facial perspiration beading into his disguise and moving away from his skin to reduce irritation.
Stupid criminals. They’re crazy.