High Anxiety

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™

Thinking the woman in seat 11-A is cute as hell. That is until she gets up like a loony tunes cartoon and tries to open the emergency door somewhere over Seacaucus.

Can you say high anxiety?

DATELINE: THE GREAT BLUE BEYOND

Tiffany Livingston is a model with a pepsodent smile. She’s also a little touched in the obdula oblongata.

According to published reports, this Playboy Centerfold was overcome with some serious psychosis at 36,000 feet.

That is not the place where you want your seat-mate experiencing mental irregularities.

According to published reports the young beauty began feeling kind of crazy. The kind of crazy that makes you start sweating and itching the back of your neck. The kind of crazy that feels like ants crawling on your eye lids, that makes you unbuckle your seat belt, that makes you feel short of breath and eventually rush the emergency exit of a plane.

I WANT OUT!!

It’s hard to say what happened inside the brain of this buxom beauty, but it’s safe to say, a blanket of irrationality consumed her sense of reason, like a hot skillet consumes room temperature butter.

According to witnesses, the 21 Year Old Playmate was on a Jet Blue Flight (what else) from Florida to New York. Maybe she needed a Bud Light and simply wanted to engage the emergency slide. Who knows?

“She said she’s gone through this before, but never this bad, and didn’t have … her medication,” one source said.

Didn’t have her medication?

That’s it? Didn’t have her medication! Hey lady, you have a mental issue that makes you want to get some fresh air over Tampa, I say you need to remember your medicine. How bout elephant tranquilizers? If you told someone you were in need of a “MAKE IT ALL BETTER PILL”, I’m sure they would have been happy to knock you in the head with a rubber mallet.

One news organization says two off duty cops were on board and were able to get to the fully clothed playmate before she could turn flight 522 into a depressurized tube of chaos.

Livingston was detained and placed in federal custody.

What a contradiction of imagery. Beautiful model with the tendencies of a Middle Eastern Shoe bomber.

I’m sure as she was hyperventilating, her brain whirling around her skull like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. You have to know that every male eye was on her. Every single Y chromosome in that plane was watching that warm form dance up the aisle to the emergency door.

“Wow that woman is sexy,” every man thought. “Hey why is she grabbing that big red handle that says CAUTION.”

That’s the good news. Everyone was watching. That woman had as much chance of opening that emergency exit as Rosie O’Donnell has of being America’s Next Model.

You see, normally when you get some terrorist activity, it’s an ugly boil faced troll. You don’t want to even look at them for fear they turn you into a slab of salt. So by the time you hear the air rushing into the cabin, it’s too late.

But Ms. April suddenly rushes down the aisle, with that little 21 year old shimmy in her shake. Talk about getting a visual? It’s as if every passenger in that tube was a barn owl and her ass a field mouse. She couldn’t have concealed a dust bunny in her halter top without every man in the plane sensing it.

I’m sure the two off duty officers who stopped her from deplaning into the clouds were thinking more about a pick up line than her Miranda rights.

According to published reports: Livingston, was featured as the centerfold for the debut edition of VIP, the Singapore version of Playboy, in which she was described as “not just another pretty face.”

Nope, she’s also touched in the head. That should sell some magazines, huh?

I can see the next layout.

Tiffany, all perky and firm, stretched out on a bear skin rug thrown down in the galley of a Jet Blue aircraft. Standing around her a bunch of guys wearing Sigmund Freud masks.

“Tiffany boasts the immaculate poise of a mature model wrapped with a bubbly demeanor,” her profile exclaims.