You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Sartorial Indiscretions!
Say it ain’t so Bobbio!
DATELINE: CASTELLAMMARE DI STABIA, Italy
Town leaders in this swanky seaside town near Naples are threatening to ban mini skirts and low cut tops.
No mini skirts or low cut tops?
This is like Easter without jelly beans. It’s like Halloween without sex offenders. It’s akin to dating your mother for Valentines day.
It just ain’t right!
No mini skirts? The idea in this picturesque Italian beach town is to clean up the “raunchy” perception of the city.
Perception problem?
What do you imagine when you think of Italy? The leaning tower of Pisa? The Mafia? Hairy aggressive men who will grope you in the street if your body temperature is 98.6.
Mini skirts are the universal elixir. They are cough medicine for the soul. One glance at a shapely woman in a sexy mini skirt does more for a man than a team of Sherpas can do for me in a life time.
The brain child of this brain dead plan is a local politician named Luigi Bobbio, the mayor of Castellammare di Stabia. I love the name, Bobbio, but I hate his political platform:
Vote for Bobbio and nobody gets hurt!
As part of Bobbio’s clean up the beach campaign, he also pledges to ban blasphemous language in the streets and soccer in public parks.
Why not just take away pacifiers from babies while you’re at it, Bobbio?
So let me get this straight. Mayor Luigi Bobbio’s campaign is.
1. no mini skirts and crop tops.
2. no foul language.
3. no soccer in public parks.
This is political suicide, akin to the Grinch shoving the Who Christmas Tree up the chimney and screaming “Up yours WHOVILLE!”
Published reports indicate: Bobbio will ask council members to vote on the measures designed to ”restore urban decorum and facilitate better civil co-existence.”
Offenders would face fines of up to €500 ($696) for violating the proposed rules.
If this passes, I predict this sleepy town explodes into chaos. I predict CNN footage of protests and civil disobedience.
I envisage young, hot, mini-skirt wearing women picketing this seaside town. I see tear gas and thongs and civil disobedience. I see police in riot gear and young men in skimpy bathing suits blasting the authorities with soccer balls covered in squid excrement. I predict bull horn enhanced profanity and salacious music and street vendors selling wine by the bucket load.
If you hadn’t heard of CASTELLAMMARE DI STABIA, Italy before, you’ll surely know it now, as the town where the Bobbio stole my Mini.
Get ready Castellammare, a crazy storm is a coming.
And that is crazy!