You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
Turning your house into a billboard.
Has it come to this?
The pristine shutters and white picket fence replaced by a massive technicolor billboard?
BUY. CONSUME. NEED. ITCH. SCRATCH. OINTMENT. DYSFUNCTION. SEX.
8 foot tall words painted onto the side of an edifice scream inappropriate.
Has the economy become such a quagmire, a swirling vortex of “SUCK” that the only way people can make their house note is to sell their souls to the advertising devil.
According to published reports, mobile advertising firm Adzookie will pay your mortgage if you let them transform your house into a massive advertising campaign.
“In fact, paint is an understatement,” the pitch reads. “We’re looking for homes to turn into billboards.”
Adzookie’s website states that the company will pay the mortgage every month the house is painted.
Applicants must own their homes, not rent or lease them. The entire house will be painted except the roof, windows and awnings. It must stay painted at least three months and the agreement can be extended up to one year.
After that, or if the company cancels the agreement, the house will be painted back to the original colors. Yeah, if your neighbors don’t do it first.
Adzookie might be great if you are the home owner. You get your house note paid for and you don’t have to look at your house when you are inside your house. But what about your neighbor across the street?
That poor guy has to stare at a house sized ad for penile enlargement cream while he watches Oprah.
The lady down the street has to stare at a 100 foot long set of adult diapers while she trims her bushes.
The mailman has to shield his eyes from the two story tube of rectal itch medication.
How long before the local HOA weighs in on a house painted like a gigantic Trojan Condom?
“Hey little Johnny, get inside. Momma doesn’t want you playing next to the house that has jock itch.”
Adzookie launched the offer on its website on Tuesday. As of that afternoon, CNN Money reported, the startup firm already had more than 1,000 applicants including a church.
“It really blew my mind,” Adzookie CEO Romeo Mendoza told CNN. “I knew the economy was tough, but it’s sad to see how many homeowners are really struggling.”
I guess it’s a win-win-lose scenario.
Adzookie gets crazy new advertising buzz. Homeowners get to stay in their homes, even if these homes do look like a Heinz Ketchup bottle. And neighbors, well neighbors get visually bombarded with ads that are the size of a house, litterally. Their frontal lobes will be bombarded 24/7 with advertising messages they can never turn off.
When neighbors shop in Adzookie neighborhoods in the future, they will feel an odd desire to bathe with Mr. Bubble, Eat Alpo dog food and slather themselves with Coppertone.
Neighbors will have to put up WWII era bomb curtains to block the never ending visual.
Don’t fight it neighbors. When crazy raises the bar all you can do is roll with the punches.
Here’s what we propose at THAT’S CRAZY. For a nominal fee, we will sell you mirrored siding that you can easily adhere to your home.
Give Mrs. Johnson a taste of her own home painted up like a nuclear green breath mint.
For a few dollars more, THAT’S CRAZY will add search-lights to the mix. We will tap into the local power grid and install car lot sized search lights that will swirl through the night sky. If they blast into Mrs. Johnson’s bedroom window at 1am, well that’s life in the crazy world of what comes around goes around.
So be careful residents of Adzookie, fighting paint with mirrors and search lights is sure to keep the police dispatch busy.
And that is crazy.