MOUNTAIN MOUSE SODA
DATELINE:
It’s here that 52 year old Ronald Ball claims he drank a Mountain Doo flavored with fermenting, rotting mouse.
Yuck.
Nothing ruins a good buzz like rotting rodent.
So Mr. Ball shot gunned some vermon. Instead of doing the Doo, he did the Ralph, yakking up a stomach load of sour mouse cheese.
According to court documents; the contents of the Mountain Dew were immediately poured into a Styrofoam cup where a dead mouse was found.
Pepsi is a multi billion dollar corporation with a squadron of attorneys at their disposal. They have barristers like burger king has grease. This should be an easy case to fight right? You’d think one of their thousand paid counselors would come up with a good strategy right?
Wrong!
Apparently Pepsi’s defense team is weaker than a missed 720 in the half pipe. Their plan is straight out of
where Ernie and Bert and stoned skateboarders wearing toboggans become bong hitting Johnnie Cochrans.
Pepsi lawyers plan to argue that there couldn’t be a mouse in a Mountain Doo because the product is so powerfully acidic it would dissolve any living creature into gelatinous goo before the man had a chance to drink it.
THE DEFENSE RESTS YOUR HONOR!
Based on that defense, once could argue that Mountain Doo is the carbonated version of a Delco
Wow.
So Doing the Doo not only helps you leap high mountains and bus benches with a single belch, but apparently the liquid doubles as an accelerant preferred by 4 out of 5 arsonists.
If it can melt a mouse, can you imagine what it can do to the lining of your stomach?
A
Mr. Ball is seeking $50,000 dollars in damages. Too bad he sent the evidence to the company which conveniently destroyed it. Hey Ball, are you a moron or what?
Veterinarian
The only part of the rodent that could survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”
Wow. A soda with a tail. I guess that’s good to know. What a tremendous marketing concept for an Anti-generation soft drink.
Do the doo, swallow the tail.
So the next time you take a swig of a Pepsi product, try not to think about the after taste oozing down your throat as a new flavor of gelatinous rodent scum. If your soda chirps I suggest grabbing a bottle of Pepto.
And That’s crazy.