You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
TAXES.
I’m sitting here in a paper pile of hell created by taxes.
Words like dividend income and S corporation and IRA contributions fill my brain. WTF?
My eyes are flying whirly gigs of confusion.
I’m staring at numbers and W-2’s.
I hate this time of year. It’s a tax man’s gauntlet. They take dollars out of my check every two weeks. Why do I have to go through all this again? Why must they take more? Does it matter how many dependents I have and how much mortgage income I paid and whether I gave my couch to charity?
Yes, yes and yes.
I hate it. Taxes suck. Paying the government more money is like rubbing a potato peeler over my sun burned ass. It’s like the grim reaper of death, blowing smoke rings in my face and then saying; “so what you gonna do about it punk?”
The answer to that is not much. Which is why tax season is a frightening time for the average citizen. We’re just trying to keep our jobs and make our bosses happy and then, April 15th arrives like a hockey mask wearing lunatic at the lake.
The only way to deal with Uncle Sam is to learn his tax language, and since I only know bus boy Spanish, that means I have to turn my financial Holy Grail over to the experts, the CPA’s, who spend a lifetime learning to talk the talk and decipher the code.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my tax guys. I just wish I didn’t need them to compute how much I make and what I am worth and what i owe.
You shouldn’t need a PHD to write your uncle a check. But that’s what it takes now-a-days.
That’s why your CPA is a necessary evil. These are humans who see the world differently than you and me. Their world is so punctilious, so structured, so black and white.
You wouldn’t pull your own tooth would you? That’s why you need a good tax accountant.
My CPA’s are human calculators, who like Rain Man, see numbers in their sleep and savings while they use the John. These boys are working an angle brushing their teeth and demanding more documents of proof while they speed down the Diamond lane on I-5.
I’m just saying, this time of year sucks. I hate the numbers and the stress and the worry. Haven’t I paid enough? Really, I owe someone more? For what?
So say a little thank you to your CPA this spring. And maybe flip the tax man the bird this April 15th.
And now back to line 1. wages, tips other compensation, not to be confused with line 2 federal income tax withheld.
Ahhhh.
And that is crazy.