You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
These damn Christmas commercials.
I’m watching an Audi commercial for the 5th year running. It’s snow covered loveliness. The parents are trimming the tree. The music is festive. The son comes home for the holidays and parks in his parent’s snow covered driveway.
“Mom? Dad? Guys? He roams through the house with a longing look. He is carrying gifts for his mom and dad.
CUT TO
The parents stealing his Audi and driving down a windy mountain pass. They are sporting big smiles.
“He’ll get over it,” his ugly faced father says to his shrew of a mother.
What the hell kind of message is that?
Steal your kid’s car. Happy Holiday? Is it me, or is this like short sheeting a mentally challenged kid’s bed. It’s unkind, unfair and unneccessary.
But it doesn’t end there…
How about the Jared diamond commercial where the imbicile gets down on one knee and proposes to his fiance in the first row of a jet aircraft.
People are boarding and banging into one another with over sized luggage. The pungent scent of blue toilet sanitizer is filling the cabin.
That’s when numb nuts takes a knee and spews: “Kate will you marry me?”
She cups her hands to her lips, perhaps happy, probably horrified that some idiot would make a marriage proposal so close to an airplane lavatory.
“Yes.” she says because that is what the script commands her to say.
The flight attendant rushes to the intercom and shouts; “attention he went to Jared.”
I feel like running to the toilet and heaving the contents of my guts into the bowl. I hate this commercial. I want a sky martial to come from the back of the plane and shove a bag of peanuts in the guy’s ear hole.
Not only is this ad ridiculous, but it creates pressure on other men to give their significant others a ring that they can’t afford.
Hmmmm. Gas bill? Diamond ring from Jared’s ring rip off emporium?
“please return your fiance to her original and upright position,” the stewardess bellows.
What is this, a line from a 1970’s porno?
There are so many inappropriate holiday ads I want to do a nose dive off my house.
I just saw a Five Hour Energy Drink add disguised as a Christmas commercial.
I swear to God it was nauseating. People are unwrapping gift sets of 5 Hour Energy.
Little kids ripping the wrapping off the box and then smiling like it’s an ipod. Old People opening the package like it’s the fountain of youth.
Give me a damn break.
But that’s just the tip of the ice berg. There’s Santa Claus and his fleet of Mercedes….
There’s Polar bears burping up coke…..
Any McDonalds product at Christmas is a violation of holiday ettiquette.
Wendy’s is no stranger to the holiday fatuousness. A double heart attack supreme has as much to do with the birth of Christ as carpet lint has with the navigation of the space shuttle.
It’s a commercialized freak fest, an abomination of imagery wrapped in a swaddling cloth.
I love Christmas. I love Commercials. I love Swaddling Cloth. I just don’t like it when you shove it all down my throat at the same time.
Now return Santa to his full and upright position.
And that is crazy.™